Dr. Michael Gerharz, Autor auf The Art of Communicating

In the middle of the night

I was 16 when my dad died out of nowhere in the middle of the night, 30 years ago on this day.

It was about 1am in the morning when the door to my bedroom burst open. My mom was in panic because my dad had made strange noises and she couldn’t get him to react.

I was instantly wide awake and ran downstairs to call the emergency.

When I came back, my dad had already stopped breathing. I tried to reanimate him but it didn’t work.

It took the emergency only 5 minutes to arrive at our house and they immediately started to reanimate, too. Seeing how frightened we were, they ordered us to leave the room and I remember my mother, my brother and myself lying in my bed, anxiously waiting and hearing the sounds from my parent’s bedroom.

It was too late. They tried everything, even after hope was lost. But they couldn’t get him back into life.

My mom froze. He was the love of her life. Being married myself to the love of my life I cannot even imagine how she felt in that moment.

The only thing she could manage after the doctor had gone was to call her best friend. It was the best thing she could have done in that moment.

Before morning broke, the message had spread through our village like wildfire. People came to our house from all directions. Friends. Neighbours. My mom’s brother and sister who live three hours away grabbed a bag and were with us by noon. My dad’s brother flew in by the evening.

We were not alone for a single second since that morning.

My father was a man who had a smile and a helping hand for everyone. I never saw him smile again. But we had so many hands who were there to help us and so many shoulders we could lean on.

I’m grateful to this day for the support we got through these times.

And to my father for being the man he was.

I’m on your side
Oh when times get rough
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

My dad’s favourite song was “Bridge over troubled water”.

Today, I know why.

Hey, here’s more of what you like

A huge building block to the appeal of social media – and ultimately to their success – is their brilliance in surfacing more of the things we enjoy.

You enjoyed this cooking video? Here are five other awesome recipes to check out. You love Led Zeppelin? Check out these 7 incredible drum riffs from John Bonham.

But also:

You believe X? Here are ten more reasons to believe it.
You hate this guy? Here are 13 other reasons to hate him even more.

The dark side is strong in social media and there’s no easy fix for it.

More of the same leads to more of the same. Whether it’s good or bad. Whether it’s useful or destructive. It gets amplified.

The thing to be aware of is that the control of the stream is with the media. They conclude that you are someone who loves Led Zeppelin and hates this guy. So they show you more of that stuff.

Not because it’s in your best interest. But because it’s in their best interest. It keeps you on their platform so they can show you more ads. And keep you from visiting someone else’s platform.

Most importantly, they don’t feed you based on who you want to be, but based on who you are. Or, more precisely, based on who you are according to their data (which, to be fair, could be a rather accurate representation).

Actually, TikTok has just announced some counteraction “to protect against viewing too much of a content category that may be fine as a single video but problematic if viewed in clusters”.

But ultimately, you should probably not let the media determine your priorities in the first place. Ultimately, you should take control of the pieces you’re going to consume. (And no, this is not a problem that’s only affecting the youth.)

A good place to start is to become aware of the mechanisms by asking “Why are they surfacing this?”

And then to practise saying “no” – either by leaving or by consciously searching for something of your choosing.

But in the end, I feel like an even better approach would be to question whether aimlessly surfing the media is a good use of your time at all.

Oh, and by the way, if you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy … well, I’m going to let you determine that.

A better use of your time

If you feel the need to check Instagram while watching a movie, it might be that you’re watching the wrong movie.

If you feel the need to check your phone while in a meeting, it might be that you’re in the wrong meeting. Or meet wrongly.

If you feel the need to do other things while you’re doing one thing, it might be that that one thing wasn’t the best use of your time to start with.

Instead of looking for ways to re-use your time, it might be a better idea to use your time better in the first place.

The power of staring at a blinking cursor

Never underestimate the power of staring at a blinking cursor.

Resist the urge to grab your phone if there’s no immediate thought and nothing to type.

Just the blank screen. And a blinking cursor.

Resist the urge to check Insta, LinkedIn, Mail etc.

Still only that blinking cursor.

Resist a little longer.

A little longer.

You will start typing, eventually.

And what you’ve typed is something to work with.

(Works with a blank piece of paper, too.)

The slow buyer

Most businesses are obsessed with getting customers to buy faster.

While dismissing that the customer who buys slowly, after careful consideration, is more likely to turn into a raving fan later.

The magic ingredient that can’t easily be accelerated is trust. Trust can’t be built over night. Trust grows. Usually rather slowly.

But it’s the stuff long-lasting relationships are made of.

When a story spreads

Your story spreads when your audience is able and eager to tell your story.

So.

Are they able to tell it? Do they get it? Is it crystal clear? Can they repeat it? In their language?

But also: Are they eager? Why would they want to tell it? Does it boost their status?

You need both. Easy doesn’t help if there’s no reason for your audience to tell your story. On the other hand, a strong reason to spread your story won’t help if it’s hidden underneath a layer of confusion.

The easier it is for your audience to tell your story and the more the telling of your story boosts their status, the more likely it is that your story actually spreads.

Champions keep playing until they get it right

Both aspects here are crucial:

Champions keep playing. And they want to get it right.

They don’t quit. Not after the first failed attempt. And not after the 50th. They keep playing.

And.

They want to get it right. As opposed to being right. They tweak and adapt their technique until they get the result they are looking for. They keep playing until they understand how that move works, why the competition managed to win the pitch, why the team misunderstood the decision. They try new things and push the boundaries until they find something that works.

Over and over again.

Practice. Tweak. Repeat.

They won’t stop until they get it right.

If you do only one of those, it’s likely not going to work.

Marketing in sync with the outcome

Great marketing is true to who you are.

Great marketing also delivers results.

The confusion occurs when our true story doesn’t deliver the results we’re looking for. It’s tempting to conclude that we must bend the truth a little bit. Because, well, we need to pay the bills, right? So, we need the results. Also, it’s just a teeny bit, so really no big deal, agreed? (Plus: others are cheating as well.)

Well, your call.

I feel a better approach is to change our perspective. It’s rather likely that the story we’re telling with our marketing is not the only story that’s true to who we are.

Quite the opposite. There are almost certainly ways to shift our story while remaining true. Maybe we just told it to the wrong people. Or we told our truth while neglecting theirs. It might also be that there’s a slight adaptation to our offer that’s still true to who we are but resonates much stronger than our current offer.

When you do work that matters, it’s almost inevitable that it finally resonates. Fix your product so that the true story is in service of your audience. Fix your story so that it’s told on behalf of your audience. To the right audience.

And the results will come.

Change

Today marks the end of Angela Merkel’s period as Germany’s chancellor.

Three attitudes she brought to the office:

Keep calm.
Be respectful.
Listen.

Put together, these three lead to the confidence that there’s always a path. No matter who or what is challenging you. Keep calm, be respectful, listen … and you’ll figure it out.

It might not be the change you were hoping for. Maybe you could have done without change, entirely. But given that the world is changing regardless of whether you like it or not, being able to find a reasonable path forward, even when it’s a severe disruption, is a great virtue.

Thanks for your service, Mrs. Merkel.

Good resistance, bad resistance

Resistance is the universal force that keeps you from doing things.

However, there’s an important distinction about two very different types of resistance.

The first is knowing that you need to do this but you hide from actually doing it. For example, you just know that you have to publish this video, build that product, pitch that idea to your boss, but you hide from it because resistance has sent you fear.

This type of resistance is a great compass for the things we should do. When it kicks in, we know we’re onto something. The fear is there precisely because it matters so much to us.

The second type is knowing that you need to stay away from doing that thing but everyone keeps telling you that you should really do it. It sounds perfectly reasonable when they say it. It works for others, so why shouldn’t it work for you? And yet, your gut tells you that something is off. It just doesn’t feel right. Somehow, you know it’s not right although you can’t pinpoint why.

This type of resistance is a great compass for the things we shouldn’t do. When it kicks in, we know we should run. The doubt was there because it wasn’t true to who we are.

The art is in knowing which kind of resistance you’re in. A great first step is to start noticing it. When you do, then pay attention to how you feel, the patterns in your thinking, and, of course, the outcome.

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