Status Archive - The Art of Communicating

Doomed to fail

Many great ideas have died as a result of status fights. In the meeting room it became more important whose idea it was rather than whose idea was best.

And so, the best idea died.

Of course, the world couldn’t care less about your status struggles. If you show up with an inferior idea and others show up with their best idea, who’s gonna make it?

For that reason, Rick Rubin, the famous producer, tries to remove names from ideas as much as possible: “I always ask for any information shared with me to not be labeled and not explained at all.” This allows him to judge an idea based on its merits rather than based on whose idea it was.

And quite likely that explains part of why he has managed to produce winning records for over four decades and become one of the most influential producers of the world.

Have you taken any deliberate steps to leave status out of the decision making process?

“Can all of you see my brilliance?”

Status updates are supposed to quickly inform everyone about the status of a project.

Too often, though, these updates are much rather about the status of the people in the project and carry double meanings along the lines of “I’m not to blame for the delay.”, “This is my kingdom. Don’t you dare to invade it.”, “I’m smarter than her.” etc.

In many cases, this happens when the team can’t see how the project is about something bigger than themselves. And so, they lack a sense of belonging to a team that achieves more than anyone could achieve on their own.

Which means that, effectively, everyone’s on their own team.

Which is why they need to protect their status.

Great project leaders create that sense of belonging. They light the path by communicating with irresistible clarity where we’re going as a team, why we’re going there and why everyone belongs.

The right idea in the wrong meeting room

Some pitch situations quickly turn into a status game.

The pitching party feels high status because they feel like they’ve really nailed it and have an extraordinarily brilliant product. It’s going to change the world (which might be true).

The decision maker feels high status because they get to decide about the proposal and they want you to know that they have the final say. They are extraordinarily brilliant in identifying trends (which might be true).

Inevitably, both desires for higher status clash when one of the parties makes a claim that the other just must dispute – because, well, they know it better (which might be true).

The world, however, couldn’t care less about who’s right and who’s not. Or about who’s in charge and who’s not. They care about which ideas see the light of day. And so, the right idea in the wrong meeting room likely isn’t worth much when the parties have status as their top priority.

Change happens easier if we ban status from the meeting room.

If the other party doesn’t see it that way, you might be better off looking for a different partner.

The brilliance of salespeople

“Look, you’re not so brilliant. But don’t worry because I am.”

That’s, in essence, the approach of a certain breed of salespeople: To play the high status game. There’s a matching breed of customers who that works for. They are ok with someone else taking the lead.

The opposite approach is the low status game which is all about doing whatever the customer wishes for regardless of how useful that is. There’s a matching breed of customers who love that kind of relationship.

For the rest of the customers, a third approach might work a little better: “You’re brilliant in what you do. We’re brilliant in what we do. Let’s so something brilliant together.” It’s a balanced relationship in which everyone gets to shine in their respective field.

When a story spreads

Your story spreads when your audience is able and eager to tell your story.

So.

Are they able to tell it? Do they get it? Is it crystal clear? Can they repeat it? In their language?

But also: Are they eager? Why would they want to tell it? Does it boost their status?

You need both. Easy doesn’t help if there’s no reason for your audience to tell your story. On the other hand, a strong reason to spread your story won’t help if it’s hidden underneath a layer of confusion.

The easier it is for your audience to tell your story and the more the telling of your story boosts their status, the more likely it is that your story actually spreads.

Deserving

I’ve worked really hard so I deserve this vacation.

I’ve saved my whole life so I deserve this new home.

I’m helping everyone anytime so I deserve this luxury.

My job is super hard so I deserve this gadget that makes it a little easier.

What makes your customers feel that they deserve your offer?

The risk of passing a message along

When we tell our story, the ultimate result is when people pass our message along. But let’s face it: Passing anything along is kind of a risk for our audience.

Think about yourself. When, for example, you recommend something to someone, you’re extending your credibility to the thing that you recommend. That’s why we recommend only things that we feel comfortable with ourselves.

It doesn’t stop there. We intuitively understand that, ultimately, the person who asked for our opinion needs to be happy with the thing we recommended to them. And so, we put one extra layer of carefulness on top of our recommendation. Because what if they don’t like it, right?

It would be a threat to our status.

On the other hand, the more someone can be sure that the thing they pass along will boost their status, the more likely they are to actually pass it along.

Will it boost your audience’s status when they pass your message along?

Great communicators make you feel smarter

They are happy to rise your status by helping you see things for yourself that now you are proud of having uncovered. They are happy when you take that knowledge and spread it. They are happy when you do great things based on that new knowledge.

Their biggest win is when that knowledge helps you to come up with extraordinary things that they themselves would never have thought of.

That’s a big difference to mediocre communicators whose biggest concern is to show up as the smartest guy in the room. They work hard to make us see how smart they are. Their biggest triumph is when their audience recognises just how much smarter they are than us – up to the point where they don’t even care when they makes the audience feel dumb.

Which is not what anyone likes to feel. And so they don’t get the appreciation they think they deserve.

Life as a communicator gets so much easier when we leave our ego at home. When we consider our communication as an opportunity to boost our audience’s ego rather than our own.

The double meaning of status updates

Monday is status update day in many teams.

Sadly, the name has grown to carry a double meaning. Because too often it’s not only about the status of the project anymore but also about the status among the people in the team.

Too often, status updates are about “look how much I did last week”, or “look what I’m up to”, or “look, I’ve got everything under control”. In too many teams, the purpose of the status update meetings is rather to ensure that the boss sees how well people do than it is to actually discuss the actual project status.

How about a shift this week? What if rather than about status you made it about enabling? Instead of “What have you done to support the team?” you asked “What can the team do to support you?”

That way, the purpose of the meeting itself becomes to raise the status of each member as much as possible. It’s about making each member the best member they can be. A team member that creates better because we – as a team – enable her to do so.

Monday could be team enabling update once a while.

Know it all, know it quick?

It’s the default mode in Q&A: Know it all and know it quick. The common intuition is that as an expert you just have to have a good answer quick. Because if you don’t, your status may be challenged. Because – so the reasoning goes – how would you be an expert if you didn’t know that right away, right?

I think the opposite is true.

If you take your time to come up with a well thought out answer rather than give me the first answer that pops to your mind. If you admit that you need to fill in a gap and then let me observe how you come up with connecting dots while thinking out loud. And if your response then will make so much more sense than the quick answer, then that will actually raise your status.

Because it shows that you treat your audience with respect. It proves that you’re not in it for the show but for the cause. It’s evidence for that you’re looking for the right answer rather than the quick answer.

Audiences appreciate it being served well a great deal.

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